just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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