Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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