she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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