Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
