the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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