you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
