I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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