I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
