hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
