Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
