Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
