All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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