I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
