I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize
