weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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