Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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