I wish I only lived at night.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
