I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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