I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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