it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Best friends brother. Beat that.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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