you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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