i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
