Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
