Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
