She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
