He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
