She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
