Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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