There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
