you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
