I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
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