Can i not drive my cunt home
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
