Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
