why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
