Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
