genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
