Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
