If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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