don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
