I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
