we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
