Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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