I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I wish my penis had an off switch
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
