im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
