Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I need help removing her.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize