we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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