My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
