Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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