What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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