john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
