That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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