pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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