I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
