the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
