i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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