dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize