god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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