I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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