You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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