Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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