is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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