i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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