I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
