just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
