i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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