no, he came in my armpit
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize