Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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