I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize