This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
