what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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