Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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