so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
