A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
