Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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