Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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