OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
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