whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
